Sharing children in divorce…hard to get used to.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

One of the by products of a divorce action is the sharing of the children.  An in tact family functions very differently from a broken home. If it is hard on the adults, you can imagine how hard it is on the kids.

You have to share the children.  That means not having them for certain events, holidays, times of the day, etc.  With work schedules of parents, children sometimes have to come second.  Children become bouncing balls, going from mom’s house to dad’s.  They forget their school books, soccer shoes, homework.  They may not have adequate clothing at one place or the other.  They end up carrying their stuff from place to place. It is not easy being a child of divorced parents.

Parents fight over the kids and kids think it’s their fault.  “You didn’t return the clothes clean” is a common complaint to the other parent.  “Don’t go to the game today I’m going”, is another.  None of this is good for anyone.

Adults need to step up to the plate and be adults.  Think about what your kids are going through having to share YOU.  For more information about this or other divorce topics including modifications of court orders on children, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

What makes a parent “unfit”.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

When it comes to time sharing with children, or paternity actions where the father is finally adjudicated the father by DNA testing, the court has to determine the best interests of the child/ren.  The same holds true for cases where a parent wants to relocate and the other parent does not give permission and a court order is sought.

Allegations of “unfit parent” can arise to thwart the relationship of the “undesireable” parent.  However, “undesireable” is not the same as “unfit”. 

Under the laws of the State of Florida, BOTH child and parent have rights,  UNLESS a parent is adjudicated “unfit” in a court of law.  The case law defines “unfit” as a parent who is unable to take care of him or herself…unable to take care of the child…one who abandons, abuses or neglects a child…an alcoholic, a drug abuser, a party person til 3 am every night…you get the picture.

Parents may not agree with parenting styles or decisionmaking or even lifestyles of the other parent, but that is not enough to make a parent “unfit” in the eyes of the law.  

The way courts handle an unfit parent is to order supervised time sharing, order parenting classes, order the parent to counseling, order the parent to a psych evaluation, and to take normal rights away until the parent is rehabilitated and the child is safe with that parent. 

For more information about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

How do we split the baby?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

There aren’t that many divorcing fathers who wish to change diapers, or go through a baby’s transition from breast milk to cereal.   But it does arise where divorcing parents have infants.  So how do you split the baby?

Here are some helpful hints:

1.  Both mom and dad have to learn about babyhood.  Pay attention to not let an infant fall off the sofa, or a two year old to get into the cabinets.

2.  Realize you both are responsible for the helpless child and must protect him from himself.  

3.  Baby proof both homes.  This is necessary!

4.  Follow doctors orders.  If the child needs special attention or medication, be a responsible parent.

5.  Have two sets of everything…two cribs, two bottles, two toys, two blankets, etc.

6.  Cooperate and coordinate with the other parent as to feeding and sleeping schedules.   Otherwise you both will be up all night if the baby does not get regular feedings.

7.  Regardless of whether you are the mom or the dad, take baby classes to learn about the care of an infant.   

Babyhood is an important time for a child to bond with both mom and dad.  So don’t work against each other because it is the baby who will suffer as a result.  For more information about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

What is parental alienation syndrome and how can I stop it?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Parental alienation syndrome is where one parent turns the children against the other parent.  Most divorce decrees have a “disparagement” paragraph which forbids each parent from disparaging the other to the children.

Courts recognize that children see themselves as a part of each parent and where there is denegration, it is harmful to the child because the child loses self esteem; he or she also loses respect for the disparaged parent and parenting becomes more difficult.  Judges take this bad behavior seriously and the Florida legislature has even passed a shared parenting statute which forbids disparaging behavior of one parent to the other.

Where evidence and testimony is produced showing a child is harmed by alienating behavior, courts will decide to alter the parent time sharing arrangement.  The court’s job is to protect the child and the best interests of the child.  Limiting time sharing, or requiring supervised time sharing is the response to a parent who alienates the other to the detriment of the child.

For questions about this topic or other divorce topics, call on one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

New Shared Parenting Laws you need to know.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Florida statutes talked about shared parental responsibility.  The meaning behind it included things like keeping the other parent informed of the whereabouts of the children, allowing children to communicate with the other parent by unlimited telephone or internet access, informing the other parent of any medical emergencies, no disparagement or alienation of affection of the other parent and things that required joint decision making.  Violations of this statute were to be brought to the court’s attention and the most severe recourse was a change in custody.

Florida laws also talked about custody and visitation.  One parent was the primary residential parent and the other was the “visiting” parent. 
With new statutes, the law now talks about SHARED PARENTING.  More specifically, custody and parental responsibility is now a parenting plan, and visitation is now time sharing.

For reference, see Florida Statute 61.046(13) through my web site at www.familylawwpb.com. 

The statute combines parental decision making with time sharing schedules, in the best interests of the children.  If the parents cannot come to agreement on the issues or the parenting plan, then the court will have to micro manage the children.   The parenting plan takes into consideration the reorganization of families to try to reduce post dissolution arguments. 

If you have questions about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at the Firm at 561-835-9091 or click on the ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Adultery, infidelity, extra marital affairs…today there are lots of opportunities.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

When women started to infiltrate the workplace in great numbers back in the 60s and 70s, sex outside the marriage took a huge leap.   Today, there are emerging trends that are firing up the cause of many divorces once again.

We keep hearing the words “emotional affairs”, “girlfriend experience”, or “it’s just lunch”.  Internet relationships are booming, to the detriment of wives and husbands too.  Yes, women are having affairs now at much larger statistics than ever. 

Cheating spouses can be found on airplanes, golf courses, offices, coffee shops, banks, department stores.  Web sites are voluminous from Ashley Madison to Match.com.  So, what can a spouse do?

You have two choices:  preserve the marriage or get out.  Some spouses  “look the other way”; some apologize and never let it happen again.   Others want to “get even” by divorcing and moving on. 

Whatever choice you make, it helps to have professional guidance.  Marriage counselors, and in some extreme cases, psychiatrists, can help with the decision to stay in the marriage or to divorce.  If you are on the receiving end of a cheating spouse, and need more information, call one of the attorneys at the Firm at 561-835-9091 or click on the ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. web site at www.familylawwpb.com for more information.

Parenting while going through a divorce…it’s not easy.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

When you are going through a divorce, there are lots of changes you, your spouse and the children must go through.  We divorce lawyers call it “families in transition”.  It is very difficult to meet the needs of your children when you, yourself are an emotional wreck. 

Divorces are not pretty even under the best of circumstances.  It is difficult to  imagine getting along with your spouse especially at a time like this.  Because you and your spouse are at odds, haggling over money, property, even a business, the disputes and dislike carry over to dealing with the kids.  This is where co-parenting kicks in. 

Ideally, if divorcing couples can agree on only one thing, it should be cooperation when it comes to the children.  But what I often see in my practice is spouses using the children to get a leg up on the other spouse.

Children are used as pawns, as negotiating tools, as vehicles of spite, for leverage, as messengers, and worse.  Sometimes spouses divorce the children too, especially where there is a new family in the making.

This is very sad for innocent children who want their parents to get back together so they can have a life they are used to, whether it was good or bad. 

The courts in Palm Beach County have trained parenting coordinators to set up time sharing and resolve issues between parents regarding school work, after care, sports, travel, budgeting.  It is wise for parents to do all they can to put the best intersts of their children first and foremost as a priority.  Lawyers, mediators, social workers and therapists are all available for professional assistance in reaching resolutions to problems with parenting and children. 

For more information or assistance with this problem, call the law office of Robin Roshkind, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. website at www.familylawwpb.com.

Sex and the single mother, single father.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Under new laws in the State of Florida, “custody” of children has become “timesharing”.  The standard in Palm Beach County is still 38% , usually to the Former Husband, and 62% timesharing to the Former Wife, unless two things occur: either the parties come up with some other arrangement that they agree to, or the judge orders additional timesharing to the Former Husband, in which case he gets a mandatory reduction from the guidelines in his child support obligations. 

With the timesharing arrangement of the children, comes lots of free time for the parent who is not “on duty”.    What are the legal ramifications of a divorced parent who finds herself or himself in another real relationship?  Here is a list of considerations:

1.  Be careful to not be too frisky in front of the children.  This is a private matter and should stay that way.

2.  A parent is still a parent.  A new girlfriend is not the child’s mother, nor is a new boyfriend the child’s father. 

3.  Don’t bring another person around the children too soon after the divorce.  Children are still adjusting and depending upon the child, may need some time.

4.  If and when you do bring another person around the children, don’t do it at the child’s expense.  The children still deserve a parent’s attention during timesharing.

5.  Take your timesharing with your child seriously.  Don’t start using babysitters more than ever because you now have a relationship.

6.  Don’t booze it up in front of your children.

7.  Always remember, young children generally want their parents to get back together.  Proceed with that in mind.

For more information call one of the attorneys at Robin Roshkind, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on our website at www.familylawwpb.com.

How To Tell The Kids We Are Getting Divorced

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire – West Palm Beach, Florida

You have met with a divorce lawyer.  You have photocopied boxes of documents…everything from tax returns to bank statements to credit card receipts.  You discussed divorce with your spouse.  Now, what about the kids?

Ideally, if the divorce is going to be a collaborative one – that is, an amicable or uncontested divorce – then spouses should share this responsibility of breaking the news to the family.  However, in cases where one spouse has moved out and on, or the divorce is acrimonious, often the task belongs to the custodial parent. 

Below is a check list of what to do and what not to do when telling your school age children about the divorce:

1.  It is important to sit the children down and make it very clear that they are not the problem.  The divorce is not their fault.  Children sometimes think they are the cause and feel terribly responsible for the situation.  Make sure they know it is not their fault.

2.  Tell the children that you are not divorcing them.  Children need to feel secure and loved by both parents.  Especially at this traumatic time.

3.  Don’t disparage the other spouse.  Children identify themselves with both parents.  If something is wrong with one according to the other, they think something is wrong with them.  This causes low self esteem, nightmares and school problems.

4.  Explain what divorce is, and if you can, why the divorce is occurring.  Be sure to explain it is between mommy and daddy.  Also stress that they will always have a mommy and a daddy no matter what.

5.  Children need assurance that they will be safe and that everything is going to be ok.  Explain to them about having two homes and two places to stay, two sets of friends, two beds, two rooms, two birthday parties, etc.  Put the situation in a positive light that youngsters can understand. 

What if one spouse has another newer family and has moved on?  Get your children to counseling.  This may have to be court ordered, but so be it. 

There is a web site to read more about this subject at www.howdoitellthekids.com. For more information about the legalities, consult with the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, PA at 561-835-9091 or visit our web site at www.familylawwpb.com.