Exposing children to YOUR new relationship.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

The flip side of exposing children to your STBX’s new boyfriend/girlfriend, is exposing children to YOUR new relationship.  How do you go about this tactfully, with care and sensitivity so the children feel comfortable?

Do it slowly.  Tell your children about this new person in your life; that they will never take the place of the other parent; but that this person is good to you, good for you, etc.  Set the tone so the children are accepting on their own.

Be aware, if this new person in your life is a low life, or treats the children badly, you can bank on having trouble from your spouse or ex spouse, and rightfully so.  Children need protection and if you have poor judgment, the court will protect them for you.  For more information about your rights or other questions, call one of the divorce lawyers at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Exposing children to your STBX’s boyfriend/girlfriend.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Your soon to be ex now has another relationship.  He/she has moved out and on,  leaving you with the bag of problems and challenges.  You realize you are (pick one:) angry, bitter, vindictive, hurt, and want to get even.  You are dealing with your own emotional and financial problems of paying bills, holding onto your job, raising the children, etc. and you are overwhelmed.

Now he/she brings another person into the equation…the girlfriend/boyfriend.  Your children are exposed.  What to do?  If the other person is an upstanding human being, and is nice to your kids, be grateful.  If the other person is a felon, drug dealer, abuser, or generally not a good role model, go for major timesharing, right of first refusal, or in extreme cases, sole custody. 

The court’s job is to protect children.  Do what you can under the law to accomplish this.  For more information call one of the divorce lawyers at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Staying together for the sake of the kids…is it worth it?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Back in the fifties and sixties, divorce was not as prevalent as it is today.  Divorce laws were tougher and it was mostly the domain of celebrities.  However, many couples raising baby boomers wanted to stay together for the sake of the children in order to remain respectful in the community and to maintain an in tact family.

Psychologists and “having a shrink” became vogue in the late seventies and eighties, and since then, dramatically changed their opinions about divorce and domestic violence, as the women’s movement took hold.

Today, if you ask therapists about staying together merely for the sake of the children, most would generally advise not to do that.  The reason:  in a home where a divorce should occur, staying together creates an unhealthy environment in which to raise children.  There are several reasons:

The children learn abuse, verbal and  physical.  They learn disrespect, not love.  They see fighting and arguing among adults.  They blame themselves for their parents’ malfunctions.  They act out in school.  They develop problems interacting with others.  The list can go on and on.

If you are in a situation that requires a divorce but you are not sure what to do, consult with a marriage counselor.  Then see a divorce lawyer to protect  your rights.  For more information about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Sharing children in divorce…hard to get used to.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

One of the by products of a divorce action is the sharing of the children.  An in tact family functions very differently from a broken home. If it is hard on the adults, you can imagine how hard it is on the kids.

You have to share the children.  That means not having them for certain events, holidays, times of the day, etc.  With work schedules of parents, children sometimes have to come second.  Children become bouncing balls, going from mom’s house to dad’s.  They forget their school books, soccer shoes, homework.  They may not have adequate clothing at one place or the other.  They end up carrying their stuff from place to place. It is not easy being a child of divorced parents.

Parents fight over the kids and kids think it’s their fault.  “You didn’t return the clothes clean” is a common complaint to the other parent.  “Don’t go to the game today I’m going”, is another.  None of this is good for anyone.

Adults need to step up to the plate and be adults.  Think about what your kids are going through having to share YOU.  For more information about this or other divorce topics including modifications of court orders on children, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

The Legal Technicalities of Fighting for Custody.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

The law on children and custody battles in the State of Florida is the best interests of the child.  What exactly does that mean when you have to present your case to the judge?

It might mean getting your child a lawyer of his/her own.  Or a guardian ad litem, a friend of the child, to testify in the courtroom for the child.  Or having a psychologist testify as an expert witness as to what is in the best interest of the child of this marriage.  Or bringing in the teachers, coaches, or school principal into court as witnesses.

Depositions and transcripts of “good mommy” or “good daddy” witnesses may be taken.  Is there always food in the house?  Do  you let your children play with these children?  Are there sleep overs and trips to the zoo?  Do these children exhibit unacceptable behavior?  There are a million questions and answers to determine which parent is the “better” parent.

To alleviate some of the litigation, the courts have taken on “time sharing” to replace “custody”.  But some parents are just unfit.  Abandonment, neglect, abuse, criminal behavior, drug use, partying til all hours, drunk driving, are just some of the issues that testimony and evidence cover in determining the best interests of the child in court.

For more information about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

What makes a parent “unfit”.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

When it comes to time sharing with children, or paternity actions where the father is finally adjudicated the father by DNA testing, the court has to determine the best interests of the child/ren.  The same holds true for cases where a parent wants to relocate and the other parent does not give permission and a court order is sought.

Allegations of “unfit parent” can arise to thwart the relationship of the “undesireable” parent.  However, “undesireable” is not the same as “unfit”. 

Under the laws of the State of Florida, BOTH child and parent have rights,  UNLESS a parent is adjudicated “unfit” in a court of law.  The case law defines “unfit” as a parent who is unable to take care of him or herself…unable to take care of the child…one who abandons, abuses or neglects a child…an alcoholic, a drug abuser, a party person til 3 am every night…you get the picture.

Parents may not agree with parenting styles or decisionmaking or even lifestyles of the other parent, but that is not enough to make a parent “unfit” in the eyes of the law.  

The way courts handle an unfit parent is to order supervised time sharing, order parenting classes, order the parent to counseling, order the parent to a psych evaluation, and to take normal rights away until the parent is rehabilitated and the child is safe with that parent. 

For more information about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

How do we split the baby?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

There aren’t that many divorcing fathers who wish to change diapers, or go through a baby’s transition from breast milk to cereal.   But it does arise where divorcing parents have infants.  So how do you split the baby?

Here are some helpful hints:

1.  Both mom and dad have to learn about babyhood.  Pay attention to not let an infant fall off the sofa, or a two year old to get into the cabinets.

2.  Realize you both are responsible for the helpless child and must protect him from himself.  

3.  Baby proof both homes.  This is necessary!

4.  Follow doctors orders.  If the child needs special attention or medication, be a responsible parent.

5.  Have two sets of everything…two cribs, two bottles, two toys, two blankets, etc.

6.  Cooperate and coordinate with the other parent as to feeding and sleeping schedules.   Otherwise you both will be up all night if the baby does not get regular feedings.

7.  Regardless of whether you are the mom or the dad, take baby classes to learn about the care of an infant.   

Babyhood is an important time for a child to bond with both mom and dad.  So don’t work against each other because it is the baby who will suffer as a result.  For more information about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

What is parental alienation syndrome and how can I stop it?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Parental alienation syndrome is where one parent turns the children against the other parent.  Most divorce decrees have a “disparagement” paragraph which forbids each parent from disparaging the other to the children.

Courts recognize that children see themselves as a part of each parent and where there is denegration, it is harmful to the child because the child loses self esteem; he or she also loses respect for the disparaged parent and parenting becomes more difficult.  Judges take this bad behavior seriously and the Florida legislature has even passed a shared parenting statute which forbids disparaging behavior of one parent to the other.

Where evidence and testimony is produced showing a child is harmed by alienating behavior, courts will decide to alter the parent time sharing arrangement.  The court’s job is to protect the child and the best interests of the child.  Limiting time sharing, or requiring supervised time sharing is the response to a parent who alienates the other to the detriment of the child.

For questions about this topic or other divorce topics, call on one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Angry children and divorce.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

When it comes to divorcing parents, children have strange reactions.

Sometimes they blame themselves for parents who split up.  Other times, they become insecure and effected by the circumstances which they have no control over.  This may result in your child becoming an angry and problematic child.  He or she may act out in school, stop eating, having nightmares or exhibiting other behavior of a troubled child.  Below are some helpful hints toward curbing anger in your child:

1.  Teach your child how to express feelings and to saywhat is bothering them.  Then you can make it known that the divorce is not because of them.

2.  Help your child understand that anger has to be controlled.

3.  Explain the range of anger from frustration to mad to malicious and what behavior is unacceptable.

4.  Teach your child how to deal with anger.  Discuss deep breathing, counting to ten, and using self talk to calm down.

5.  Point out anger coping skills a child can use such as writing down an event that upset them; taking action to avert a temper tantrum; asking for a hug or comfort.

6.  Most importantly, set a good example.  Going through a divorce is not easy.  If you set a good example of anger control, your child will learn how to copy your coping with anger.

7.  Lastly, if you are having problems with your child, seek professional help with a child psychologist.

For more information about children and divorce, call one of the attorneys at Robin Roshkind, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

New Shared Parenting Laws you need to know.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Florida statutes talked about shared parental responsibility.  The meaning behind it included things like keeping the other parent informed of the whereabouts of the children, allowing children to communicate with the other parent by unlimited telephone or internet access, informing the other parent of any medical emergencies, no disparagement or alienation of affection of the other parent and things that required joint decision making.  Violations of this statute were to be brought to the court’s attention and the most severe recourse was a change in custody.

Florida laws also talked about custody and visitation.  One parent was the primary residential parent and the other was the “visiting” parent. 
With new statutes, the law now talks about SHARED PARENTING.  More specifically, custody and parental responsibility is now a parenting plan, and visitation is now time sharing.

For reference, see Florida Statute 61.046(13) through my web site at www.familylawwpb.com. 

The statute combines parental decision making with time sharing schedules, in the best interests of the children.  If the parents cannot come to agreement on the issues or the parenting plan, then the court will have to micro manage the children.   The parenting plan takes into consideration the reorganization of families to try to reduce post dissolution arguments. 

If you have questions about this or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at the Firm at 561-835-9091 or click on the ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. web site at www.familylawwpb.com.