What to do if you want a divorce but are not sure what to do.

Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

You want out of the marriage.  But you don’t know what the finances are, you don’t pay the bills, you don’t control the money.  You have been totally taken care of by the breadwinning spouse.  What to do?

In the case of a “totally taken care of” spouse, who knows nothing about the “business” of the marriage, there is only one answer…hire an attorney.

This is because an attorney will know that in the divorce process, you are entitled to subpeona certain records from the opposing party.  The attorney will know how to take your spouse’s deposition to “discover” what it is that needs to be discovered.  In cases such as these, where one spouse has total control over another, and where trust has been essential and breached, only an attorney can get the ammunition to get you the rightful results.  Otherwise,  you can’t stand up to this type of controlling spouse…you will fail at protecting your rights.

A consultation with a divorce lawyer is a good place to start.  It will give you an overall view of the divorce process and you will feel better because you will be able to put a plan into place.

For more information about this or other divorce topics, consult with one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Are you in an abusive relationship?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

In some bad relationships, the partner has  you convinced that everyone lives this way.  Or that everything wrong in his or her life is your fault.  If  you don’t know any differently, you buy into that after years and years of being told that.  It becomes a way of life.  You become worn down by a controller.  I am a lawyer, not a shrink.  But in my experience, I have seen enough of this, and enough is enough.

Read a book, listen to the celebrity gossip, go to the movies, and  you will see that you are not alone in this situation.  The biggest first step is to be aware.  The next biggest step is to do something about it.

Here are some indicators that should be telling  you that you are being abused:

1.  You rationalize or defend your partner’s behavior.

2.  You blame yourself.

3.  You have no confidence.

4.  You feel like a prisoner in your own home.

5.  You are constantly watched and questioned.

6.  You are isolated from friends and family.

7.  You accept cheating, lying, stealing by your partner.

8.  You are constantly yelled at like a child.

9.  Your partner hits, pushes, or throws things at you.  Or worse.

10.  Your partner destroys your belongings or throws them out in the garbage.

11.  Your partner convinces you of how much you need him/her.

12.  You have lost your love of life, your sense of humor, your spirit.

If you see yourself in any of these scenarios,  get professional help.  If that doesn’t work, get out. 

For more information about abuse or other divorce topics, call one of the attorneys at ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. at 561-835-9091 or click on the Firm’s web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Restraining orders and injunctions for protection against domestic violence…do they really work?

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

With couples everywhere and in every socioeconomic level having “discussions” about money and the recent economy, things are bound to get heated.  Alcohol use, drug abuse, and just plain stress can cause normally rational people to do irrational acts. 

If you find yourself in a situation where your spouse is throwing soda cans in your direction, busting through locked doors, putting a fist through a wall, or dumping the orchid on the white bed linens, it is time to protect yourself by phoning the police AND pressing charges.

In Palm Beach County, Florida, the police will remove the wrongdoing spouse to overnight jail, no questions asked.  It is up to the remaining spouse to immediately seek a restraining order or order for protection against domestic violence.  To be successful, one must cite “immediate fear of imminent harm”.  You can’t do that three days after the blow up…you have to file it almost immediately.

Do they work?  The answer is sometimes.  If your spouse exhibited unusual behavior just for the moment, due to out of control anger or rage, he or she may come to his or her senses and be very remorseful, realizing what was done was totally wrong.   In these types of cases, restraining orders do work keeping the perpetrator at bay, because they realize the consequences of violating one.  However, in my practice, I have seen more severe situations where mental illness plays a big part.

If the violent spouse is an addict, has uncontrolled bi polar disorder, has visions of the devil in the head, or some other severe mental illness, the sufferer does not pay attention to restraining orders.  They just can’t control themselves.  Often the victim is either victimized again and again, or worse, is killed or severely harmed, regardless of the existence of a restraining order.

Palm Beach County provides safe houses, where a spouse and children can go secretly to be safe from the perpetrator.  For more information about this topic speak to one of the attorneys at the Firm by calling 561-835-9091 or click on the ROBIN ROSHKIND, P.A. web site at www.familylawwpb.com.

Domestic violence and abuse in marriage and divorce.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Divorce is seeing the best people at their worst.  Tempers flare, anger raises its ugly head.  Spouses go at each other, forgetting they once, maybe, were in love when they walked down the isle.  A shrink once said “feelings change”.  That is still no excuse for physical or mental abuse of any kind.

If you are the perpetrator, you are probably very sorry after you come to your senses and calm down.  Or worse, find yourself in jail, on probabtion,  or at a mandatory anger management class.  If you are the victim, you are probably very sorry if you provoked such anger or did nothing at all to provoke it. 

In either case, perpetrator or victim, there is sadness, failure, trauma.  You both need psychological counseling immediately, and not together.  More often than not, abuse cycles. 

What is the legal recourse?  First, safety for the victim, the children, the pet.  Then instead of going back into the relationship, get out, via divorce.  Things will not get better.  It could be just a matter of time before they get worse.  I am a lawyer not a psychologist, but I have seen enough in my law practice to say: what went wrong the first time will always and still be wrong.  Even with counseling, your chances are slim to none to put back together what you had before the violence or abuse.  Where there is no respect, there can be no marriage. 

For the victim: don’t be a sitting duck.  Duck out.  For the perpetrator: get counseling and get on with your life.  

For more information about marital abuse and domestic violence click on the Robin Roshkind, P.A. website at www.familylawwpb.com or call for a consultation with one of the attorneys at the Firm by calling 561-835-9091.

Sexual battery is a crime even if you are married.

By Robin Roshkind, Esquire, West Palm Beach, Florida

Many people don’t realize the ramifications of their actions under the law.  In Florida, if a husband forces himself upon his wife, without her consent, and commits a sexual act, that husband has committed rape, a crime, even though the woman is his wife.

Domestic violence in the home crosses all races, religions, and economic stratas.  The mere threat of physical harm by one spouse to the other is enough for the victimized spouse to get a restraining order.   If there is an unwanted touching, pushing, shoving, throwing a soda can in one’s direction, kicking the cat, breaking a window in one’s direction, these type of actions are enough to have the police investigate, file a report, and use to obtain a restraining order.

This injunction for protection forces the immediate removal of a spouse from the home.  In many cases, it alleviates the threats.  But when a spouse is suffering a severe mental illness, sometimes these restraining orders are provocative and cause extreme violence and sometimes death to the victim. 

The best defense is a strong offense.  Try to resolve the situation at the very beginning, before it escalates into a hopeless patter of bad or violent behavior.  One way to do this is to never return to the relationship.  Once domestic violence occurs, don’t give the perpetrator a second shot at you. 

For men and women alike who have been victims, there are safe houses or even hotels to escape to.  There are also social service agencies that can assist.  For more information, click on the Robin Roshkind, P.A. website at www.familylawwpb.com or consult with one of the attorneys at the Firm by calling 561-835-9091.